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Thread: The Curse of Knowing (WWC) [Warning; Small, small Gore discussed within]

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    Default The Curse of Knowing (WWC) [Warning; Small, small Gore discussed within]

    Arthur's Note:
    Decided to make a Prologue to my first ever SWC entry, The Sands of Time! Hopefully it's something you will all enjoy! EDIT: ALSO USING MY BOOSTED STORY PASS HERE SO I CAN HOPEFULLY GET THAT COMPLEX MON :Eyes:

    The Curse of Knowing

    The Council did not form itself by their means. It formed when their common talent was
    discovered by one another; A specific sense. Their sense was something other Pokemon did not
    possess, or wish to seek out themselves. It came directly to them without warning, and would persist until addressed. The Absol, a Pokemon whose very existence has become warning others of pending crisis and looming danger around the world, was something they discovered to be more of a burden than anything else.

    The world around them was slowly formed into eighteen different regions. One for each type, they were stationed within the edge of the Tenebris region.The Tenebris region was naturally covered in an alluring, pitch-black shadow. They never saw the sun, causing crops and food to only be obtained in manners of trade between neighboring regions. The city was a disgusting place to visitors and even the residences. It would be veiled by the scent of blood, fresh or dried.
    Dark Types lived within a sort of harmony, but were often hostile to each other. These Pokemon were dark by nature, with violence becoming a rising issue as time passed. Their king, however, did not care for what happened within the streets. Every region had a ruler, regardless of if they were a king or queen. The castle stood on the outskirts of the Tenebris capital; The Grim Market. It sheltered many markets and homes; the local common business practice was either being a traveling or stationary merchant. It was full of streets that cross one another, often twisting as one ventured and splitting into more along the way. Almost anything could be found for sale at these markets, assuming one knew where to look.
    The castle wasn’t just outside of the city, but it was stationed on a rather steep hill. The castle had many towers, often ending in a black banner with a red brush of paint violently displayed. The king, Iago, was one who did not care for what the citizens did to one another. He was one who ruled without a care in the world, and sat on his throne mostly amused by his surroundings and his daily duties. He slumped his head into his clawed hand. An Absol stood on her four legs and had a small, brown sack strapped to her back.

    “Your grace,” the young absol spoke, “I have-”

    The King had suddenly yawned loudly, making noises with his lips as he finished. The Absol frowned at his rude interruption. However, he was her king, and she knew well not to cross him. She sat herself down, taking a deep breath.

    “I came to deliver an urgent message from the council,” She warned, directly facing him and staring into his eyes, her tone suddenly changing.

    Iago blew a few rogue hairs away from his eyes as he then focused on the Absol in front of him. She wasn’t amused by his rude behavior, and he smirked, even going as far as letting a small chuckle escape his lips. He was one who liked to make the other party frustrated if they presented matters to him that did not interest him. Regardless, he waved his hand downward, allowing her to continue as he was now acknowledging her.

    “The council… it is in danger, your grace,” the Absol delivered with a dampered tone.

    Iago blinked, suddenly adjusting his position and sitting upright, leaning forward as well; his curiosity had suddenly be struck. The Council was one who never has faced any danger. Most of them did not bat an eye to a region unless it was one who was designated to messaging residents or higher powers, or if the sense was too powerful to go ignored within a region.

    “Go on…” He hissed aloud, adjusting his position to where he was upright and his claws were folded with one another.

    “We have been sensing a sudden, persistent feeling. I know this sudden meeting is something you’re not interested in right now, but we’ve been left a threat greater than anything the Council has seen for years. We need your help more than ever, your grace,” The Absol explained to her king.

    Iago was now unammused by this. He thought, for a moment, that something was actually going to bring trouble to him. He thought he would be in danger, but he slumped again as he groaned under his breath. His eyes rolled, his attention to his nails that made sharp noises as they collided with his throne.
    The throne room wasn’t anything too special. A few torches were aligned on the walls, a wide, red carpet stretched from the entrance to the throne room up to the throne itself. It was dim within there, but the Dark types natural progression through evolution has gifted them the ability of a night vision of sorts. The young Absol sat herself down and patiently await for a response from Iago. His rolled his neck, a few cracks from the vertebrae in his spine echoed throughout the room.

    “And what makes this feeling so important, compared to what you regularly feel? I’m sure a few ‘professional’ killers within the city could not do you all any harm,” Iago pointed out.

    “You have every right to think this, your grace, but-”

    “BUT nothing!” Iago snapped, “I am the King, I KNOW I have every right to what I think and say!”

    “Apologies, your grace,” the Absol murmured.

    “Explain your reasoning for this meeting, I grow tired of you and how rude you have been towards your King,” Iago snarled annoyed.

    “Allow me to present why you should be so concerned, your grace,” the Absol said as her head bowed towards her King.

    “Very well, make this quick,” Iago sighed loudly.

    The Absol began to gnaw on the rope, seeming to take her time as Iago began to frown. Suddenly, the rope gave way and the bag fell from her back onto the ground on her left. She took a few steps back, grabbing the rope that tied the separate rope that tied the bag closed. Her eyes locked onto Iago’s, whos brows began to lower with anger. The Absol closed her eyes, tugging on the rope and letting the bag drop.
    There were eighteen absol within the council, one for every region within the world. However, the forbidden region that the world will not name, is home to the dragons. The dragons were foul, horrid beasts, responsible for a massive war that took place hundred of years ago. The war caused thousands upon thousands of deaths around the world; regions turned on each other and fought for power and glory. In turn, it was the dragons and the few power seekers facing the rest of the world; mass chaos. The Tenebris region was one of those who sided with the dragons and wanted to steal as much power from the rest of the world as possible. However, the dragons and traitors lost the war, and the dragons were sealed away by a power that was outside of this world. They are under the world, forced into hiding underground, where only few can enter and leave freely. Assuming they do not come face to face with one of the beasts, that is. The Dragons are bounded into this underground region, and therefore are contained safely away from the rest of the world. The traitors, including the Tenebris region, continue to face the backlash everyday, struggling with keeping their name from being completely dragged through the dirt of the world, even though it’s been so long since the wars ending.
    King Iago stared at the contents of the bag. His jaw was now suspended as he rose from his throne, slowly descending down the steps to inspect the bag closer. Iago almost seemed to tremble as his descending finished. The Zoroark, being a King, was one who never saw much combat or the results of it. He squatted down in front of the opened bag, studying it as the Absol turned her head away and took a step backward.

    “Who… Who was this?” Iago spluttered out.

    “His name was Draco, your grace,” the Absol calmly whispered.

    “... How?” Iago muttered as he continued to stare.

    “He was the Absol who was assigned to inspect the forbidden region, your grace,”

    “ But how was… his head found like this?” Iago forced himself to ask.

    Draco was a brave member of the Council. His position, however, was known to be suicide and would eventually take his life. He knew this, it never stopped him from continuing to using a secret passageway to sneak about the forbidden underground. He always escaped unnoticed, he was very good at what he did. Although, Draco never saw a dragon within the region. Infact, nobody has seen a dragon since they were sealed away. The only way the world knew that they did still exist was that the terrain would occasionally be adjusted or they would hear the screeches and roars of them as they lived in hiding.

    “It was… left for us at our meeting location,” She spoke as her eyes locked again with Iago.

    Hours earlier

    The Council only meets whenever news must be reported, or if a sudden disturbance could be felt by each member. They entered an old temple, located miles away from the Great Market and Iago’s castle. They were higher than the castle itself, able to view most of the region from the entrance. It was an ancient structure, nobody knows for sure how long it has existed in the world. Managing to be unscathed during the great war, it was upgraded by the Absol as time passed.
    Oddly enough, there was no roof to this temple. The Absol loved to stare into the stars whenever a meeting was held, and they wanted to feel the air of the region wrap around them during the long nights. A great stone slab rested in the center, surrounded by an arched set of stairs that showed multiple entrances and exists to the temple. Small patches of wild grass had began to force their way through the cracks of the stone ground. Eighteen stones surrounded the slab, all of which were seats for each individual member of the Council. However, one was tainted with blood. The Council, now seventeen remaining Absol, had rushed into the temple to discuss the new overwhelming senses of danger they all unanimously were struck with. Five Absol gasped and one screamed. The others did not see until it was too late; The head of Draco rested on his seat.

    “No… Draco…” Ignacio, messenger of the land of Fire, blurted in fear.

    “Who could’ve done this?” Rialta, messenger of the land of Water, questioned as she turned to the fellow Absol.

    “We must act quickly!” Eliwood, messenger of the land of Forestry, hastily commanded.

    “Now, now,” an Absol suddenly spoke, “we cannot rush into justice like that, Eliwood,”

    “Betzalel, what are you intending we do then?” Questioned Visha, messenger of the land of Venom.

    “Fellow Council members, this was no accident,” Betzalel spoke, “we must find protection of our holy ground. If Draco’s head was delivered here and placed on his own seat, then someone… or something, has been scouting us out and knows who we are,”

    The Council members looked at one another and nodded. This was the first time the sacred Council has ever been assaulted. Every region has respected the Councils pressense; They were not a group to select a certain side besides global harmony. They did not wish for the world to be plunged into a catastrophe like the great war that took place long ago. Iago wasn’t the biggest fan of their motives, but he respected the fact they stayed loyal to making sure Tenebris was safe from global warfare.

    “What do you purpose then, Betzalel?” Isen, messenger of the land of Iron, asked as his head tilted in curiosity.

    “We have Iago,” Betzalel reassured, “He would not let anything happen to us. We are Dark types, we’re loyal to his kingdom… surely, he would protect us,”

    “Then perhaps, we shall call for an emergency meeting with the King,” Machar, messenger of the land of Normality, exclaimed, “We expect you to report back to us in a short time frame, Betzalel,”

    “Actually, it would be best if I was not sent as the one to summon the king. He doesn’t trust me snooping around his capital and around the towns outside of the kingdom. If I were to summon him, it would not look good on me and he could cause us to be in more danger… it would be best to send someone else in my place,” Betzalel explained.

    The other Absol looked at one another in confusion, but accepted his reasoning nevertheless. They began to bicker about in deciding who the King would trust enough to let them. Iago was always one to be weary of their work, almost concerned enough to order them away from the region.

    “I’ll go,” an Absol suddenly spoke. The others turned to her and they expressed mass confusion. Betzalel walked to her and faced her. He scanned her, inspecting her to see if she was honestly worthy for such at ask.

    “Luna, are you sure this is something you can handle?” Betzalel asked with concern.

    “I am. I am the messenger of the Aura region, ever since Cathmore had passed away from his age. I am the one who knows most about the land that Iago becomes paranoid over. I could become one he can trust, since I am great friends to their royalty. Let me go, for the Council and to make sure none of us… end like Draco did,” She explained as her attention went to his head. The others looked at Draco's head, still seemingly fresh from his murder. A single drop of blood began to slide down his stone seat. The rest of the Council nodded in agreement and turned to Betzalel. He then faced Luna once more.

    “Very well, Luna, messenger to the Aura region, go and meet with Iago. We all wish you the best of luck,” Betzalel expressed with a bowed head, the others followed.

    Current Events

    “I see…” Iago said as he turned back to his throne. He began to ascend up the steps, feeling his feet shuffle against the cold stone beneath. Luna grabbed the bag with her mouth and began to drag it upward, picking it up like a bone.

    “No, leave it there,” Iago suddenly commanded. Luna dropped the bag and left the head exposed, with her head facing downward in obedience. Iago reached his throne, sitting and staring her down with a intriguing gaze.

    “This is… a very odd situation. Whoever committed this crime is a professional, perhaps a spy from the Aura Kingdom,” Iago spoke aloud in thought.

    “The Aura Kingdom residents are one who do not randomly kill, your grace!” Luna suddenly shouted.

    Iago became cross, expelling a muted growl that still vibrated throughout the throne room.

    “You seem confident about that statement, Luna of the Aura region. Have you no concern for your true kingdom?” Iago hissed.

    “Of course, your grace,” Luna reassured, “they have treated me with only kindness and gratitude within their walls, hence why-”

    “Pah! Kindness and Gratitude, it’s weakness for them. Traitorous bunch, diminishing our name and ruining our lands, all of them!” Iago shouted in anger.

    “Please, your grace, I only-” Luna blurted out.

    “Only what? You expect me to believe one who communicates with the Aura region? Those who cursed our name and left us to rot and die after the great war?! You’re a brave Absol, Luna, but also one who is stupid,” Iago shouted with venom in his words. Luna kept her head down in shame, biting her tongue as the King talked down on her.

    “However,” Iago sighed after a few deep breaths, “You have presented evidence of concern that your Council, one who has served the kingdom well enough, is indeed in some sort of danger. I, however, do not have any soldiers that can be spared. There are too many civil uprisings and violent attacks on one another to let the streets go any less unprotected. I wish you well, now be gone,”

    “You cannot doom us like this, your grace!” Luna shouted in objection.

    “You DARE question me?!” Iago screeched.

    The doors to the throne room had suddenly burst open. Luna turned swiftly as Iago raised his head and smiled widely, almost as if it were malicious or evil. A colossus stood in the doorway. They were covered in stone plates and were almost as tall as the doors and the thrones location.

    “King Iago,” the stone titan spoke, his low voice echoed throughout the room.

    “Ah! Commander Cronos! Just the person to assist us in this important hour of devastation!” Iago exclaimed while he slowly clapped his hands.

    Cronos was a behemoth, Luna had never seen anything like him. He was a Tyranitar, a powerful mix between Dark and Rock type. He stood at the height of buildings, powerful enough to knock them over with one swing. He began to enter the room, his steps causing Luna to become off balance. She continued to hop above the ground with each step, unable to pick herself back up as Iago snickered quietly from observing her inability to stand.
    The ground finally stopped shaking. She sighed in relief, only to have it be thrown away by staring above her. Cronos stood above her, staring down on her. She gulped loudly as he then focused his attention on his king, Iago.

    “How shall I serve you, your majesty?” Cronos asked as his voice boomed through the throne room.

    “Yes, yes. I am aware that you know of the Council of Absol, Commander?” Iago asked with a smile on his face, his eyes locking onto Luna.

    “I am,”

    “Look there, Cronos,” Iago commanded as his dominate claw pointed towards Draco's head. Cronos inspected it with his eyes, then focusing back on his king.

    “Luna, who represents the Aura region, wishes to have any of your recruits appointed to their sacred ground for protection. Poor thing lost his head within the forbidden caverns. It… somehow ended up in their temple, who care you spare, Commander?”

    “Unfortunately, every abled body I have at my disposal is focused on the streets. I cannot afford to send anyone, not even one soldier, to your protection, little Absol,” Cronos informed as his words rung in Luna’s ears.

    Luna understood her situation and picked herself up. She dared not talk back to the commander of Iago’s troops, for she could be crushed before reaction was a possibility.

    “Thank you for the meeting, your grace,” Luna said with a bow. Iago tilted his head downward as she began her way out of the throne room.

    “One last thing, Luna,” Iago suddenly spoke loudly as she was about to exit. She turned to him and Cronos, who stood out of the way.

    “Do be careful within the Aura region and what information you consider sharing with the royalty you claim to be on good terms with,” Iago warned to her loudly.

    “As you wish, your grace,” Luna said with one final bow as she let herself out of the room, the doors closing behind her. Torches aligned the dark walls, showing the oddly blackened stone that held this structure high. Two guards stood in place: A Drapion and Cacturne. They stood quietly outside of the throne room, watching Luna as she descended down the long flights of stairs to the exit of the castle. The doors opened when she was gone, Cronos stepped outward and dropped Draco’s head between the two guards.

    “Dispose of it, as commanded by your king,” Cronos said as he vanished slowly back into the throne room; his steps causing the head to bounce around.

    The outside of the castle showed a heightened view of some of the higher class markets. Markets who sell well enough slowly relocate closer to the castle, where most citizens will cross by during the hours of business. Currently, however, it was now the hours in which sleep or silent killing would take place. Luna scanned her surroundings, not seeing any potential threats hiding within the closed shacks. She looked above to see Murkrow flying about; delivering scrolls and making small aerial trades to neighboring regions. Being a huge location in marketing and trade, many orders were made by the regions around. They had a steady economy, but were held back by the ruin they brought in the war hundreds of years ago. Luna felt a sense, quickly turning around to see Betzalel behind her, smiling and bowing to her.

    “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with the Council?” Luna questioned.

    “I decided to do a patrol of the Markets in preparation for your leaving. A few Sableye here and there, but they weren’t anything to fear. Was your meeting with King Iago any successful?” Betzalel asked.

    “No… he unfortunately cannot spare anyone, he says,” Luna disappointedly informed her comrade.

    “I see… perhaps, I could speak to him,” Betzalel suggested as he turned to face the castle, inspecting the front of the massive structure.

    “He doesn’t trust you, and he doesn’t trust me because of my ties to the Aura region. I doubt he’d let you away without any sort of punishment towards the Council,” Luna cautiously warned.

    “That was something I feared. King Iago is not one who thinks highly of anyone tied to the Aura Kingdom. Return to the Council, Luna. I shall handle this matter and find us the proper protection,” Betzalel reassured.


    “Go. I can try to re-convince him. Go back to the Council,” He ordered.

    “As you wish, Betzalel, but please be careful. Don’t be stupid,” Luna sighed as she began to walk towards a ledge to pounce onto. She jumped, feeling her body fly with the wind as she climb her way up the castle. She felt the cold stone connect to her feet, but did not mind. She reached the top of the left tower, pouncing into the air and landing onto the roofs of homes across the area. Betzalel watched her, expelling a laugh as he saw her traveling. He turned to the castle doors and slowly made his way up the stairs.

    “I won’t,” he whispered to himself as he smirked.

    One Hour Later

    The Council sat together as two of their seats were emptied; One was because of Betzalel’s sudden attempts to re-convince king Iago, and the other belonging to Draco, who’s unfortunate passing caused the Council to worry.

    “He cannot spare anyone, he said,” Luna explained to her fellow Absol companions.

    “Unacceptable!” Isen roared as the other members began to become routy with fear.

    They could not afford the death of any other member. It would upset the balance they had going between each other region and could cause chaos. While most of the Absol moved about in secret, there were few like Luna, who befriended the region they ventured through to find if any chaos was building. The forbidden caverns that contained the Dragons was the only acceptable loss to them, because they never found anything worth reporting back; not even a feeling of building chaos, they seemed to be living in peace.

    “However!” Luna suddenly shouted, “Betzalel said he would meet with the King, shortly after I left his castle,”

    “This is… very odd of him,” Rialta expressed with concern, “He only mentioned it to us briefly before his departure,”

    “What did the King say to you, besides that, Luna?” Ignacio asked with curiosity.
    “He doesn't trust me… because of my connections to the Aura region,” She shamefully informed the Absol.

    “The fool,” Eliwood whispered to himself.

    “Hush,” Visha hissed, “Please continue, Luna,”

    “He warned me to hesitate on any information I could share with them, he questions my ties to Tenebris and who I serve,” Luna mumbled in annoyance. The other Council members looked at one another, all shaking their heads in disappointment; not towards Luna, but their Kings actions towards them.

    “Then there is nothing we can do but hope something like this does not occur again,” Machar sighed, “Furthermore, it is time for you to depart to the Aura region, Luna,”

    “Right… it is my turn to see if peace if being kept, it has been a while,” Luna smiled slightly at the fact she would return to her friends who always welcomed her with open arms.

    “Venture safely, sister Luna,” They said in harmony.

    Luna made her way up the stone stairs and breathed deeply. She felt the urge to just run away and never return after what Iago said to her. Betraying her own nation? How could she? It wasn’t something in her blood to cause turmoil and bring harm to anyone on purpose. She intended to travel back to the Aura region and inform the ruler everything she was told tonight, to reassure everything would be alright. They were a peaceful nation, the Aura, inhabitants who were not aggressive and would not seek out a cause to create war. She leapt forward to begin her long run towards the Kingdom, only to catch a bush rustle next to her. She faced it, expecting something to come out and attack her. A minute passed, no sign of life had exposed or seemed to have remained within. She shrugged it off, and began her run. She had to escape the fear she began to feel. The senses that would cause chaos forewarning to be reported back to the Council she has been a part of for as long as she could remember.

    Fifteen Minutes Later

    “Do you sense it?” Pixie, messenger to the land of Fairies, spoke in horror.

    “Aye,” Tormaigh, messenger of the land of Thunder, whispered, “There’s something happening… here,”

    “Be ready, brothers and sisters,” Gaia, messenger of the land of Earth, spoke loudly.
    The fifteen remaining Absol turned and surrounded their sacred stone table. The wind began to breeze by them, their fear slowly starting to build. The four entryways to the temple were empty, nothing appeared to them. It was then, a sudden laughter had began to echo around them. One by one, Sableye began to surround their way out. They were members of the Kingsguard, perhaps they were sent to protect them. Pixie sighed in relief, only to have her attention stolen away by a hooded figure appearing on the main entry way. Their cloak waved in the wind, almost as if it were a flower, yet it kept them hidden.

    “The time has come,” They spoke loudly.

    “Who are you?” Flint, messenger of the land of Stone, asked loudly in return.

    “You all feel it, don’t you,” The hooded figure spoke, “Yes… the feeling of danger, the feeling of disaster. It’s something that just comes naturally to you all at once, isn’t it? You have all been faithful servants to your king… but you should’ve ceased after the girl attempted her plead,”

    Suddenly, one of the sableye pulled out a sack and chucked it right at the Absol. Machar extended his horn in a glow of white, slicing the edge of it to let whatever was contained inside be thrown out immediately. The Council all gasped in horror.

    “L… Luna…” Rhian whispered in awe.

    “You all were sold out, you know. Many do not know of this location, this… holy ground, as you call it. It’s an impressive temple, you all deserve praise for the work you continue to do. However, your allegiance to the crown in Tenebris has been questioned and ultimately decided as something that is false. You all shall perish tonight, and the chaos and turmoil you all have tried to prevent over the years will finally cease.” The hooded figure spoke.

    “Reveal who you are, murderer of Draco and Luna!” Soyala, messenger of the land of Winter, commanded angrily.

    “We are not afraid of you! We will avenge our brother and sister!” Kotori, messenger of the land of Ghost, screamed towards the Sableye and Hooded Figure.

    “Such a shame… you all could have been wonderful, faithful servants if you kept your noses out of the crowns of every neighboring threat. We, of Tenebris, will be rid of y-”

    “Where is Betzalel?!” Tormaigh suddenly shouted out.

    The figure had silently sat as the question was delivered to him. He smirked, letting his face show through his hood. The Council were the most faithful to all they served; everyone. They were powerful in strength and mind. Unfortunately, they were now broken. One by one, the Sableye had began to tore them to pieces. Limbs and organs flew around their holy ground. They only intended to continue the peace around the world; they were never a group to cause conspiracy and questionable loyalty towards King Iago. The hooded figure slowly turned to return to Iago’s castle, laughing loudly as he leaped forward.


    Luna had stopped at the edge of the Tenebris border. She felt her heart sink, a sudden pain had overtaken her. She turned to see nothing, no signs of death or despair around her. She knew she must continue forth; The Aura need to know what was spoken of that night. She ventured forth, crossing the border into the next region. She had a long journey ahead, unknown to her Councils unfortunate disbanding. She felt her heart tear, but she had to keep going.

    The Council did not form itself, by their own will. They were brought together by the feelings that Luna had now felt; A sudden feeling of loss, a panic that was overwhelmingly powerful, and a chaos she knew would need to be stopped if it did not leave her senses. There was only one member of the Council that remained; Luna, messenger to the land of the Aura.

    Attempted Capture: Absol (30k due to Secret Santa)
    Character Count: 28,428

    Last edited by Mikey57; 01-15-18 at 11:59 PM.

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    "Take Care of Yourself"

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    Right away, what an atmosphere you’ve set!

    The Council did not form itself by their means. It formed when their common talent was
    discovered by one another; A specific sense. Their sense was something other Pokemon did not
    possess, or wish to seek out themselves.

    Already you’ve brought in this air of a looming threat. What kind of powers could Pokemon not want? Already my curiosity is piqued!


    It came directly to them without warning, and would persist until addressed. The Absol, a Pokemon whose very existence has become warning others of pending crisis and looming danger around the world, was something they discovered to be more of a burden than anything else.

    I really like this. I feel like in a way, we get the whole idea of the story right from this sentence. The concept of doom overlooking all Pokemon, and the Pokemon who are too scared to react, or even look at the danger. Ignorance is bliss. Love it!


    The city was a disgusting place to visitors and even the residences. It would be veiled by the scent of blood, fresh or dried.

    What city? It felt like you jumped here! I can assume the dark type city, but you don't learn that until the next paragraph. Make sure thoughts are in the right order!


    I love the way you paint the Dark Type’s region! I’m gonna say it once, but it’s a good thing. You certainly know how to use your words to your advantage and your writing with every sentence always feels very fresh. Everything flows well. And the writer can hear your voice within the story, so they will KNOW it’s a Mikey57 story.

    You have a wonderful writing voice!


    Iago almost seemed to tremble as his descending finished. The Zoroark, being a King,

    It would have been nice to know sooner that the king was a Zoroark!


    How you closed the intro was super cool and wrapped the theme of this section super nicely. We open with a looming threat and the fear that society avoids, then to show at the end, the king facing that fear with an Absol who is someone who must remind them of the reality they live in. Nicely done!


    To be honest, not much to say about the “Hours Earlier” section. It does what it needs to do, and gives the reader a nice feel for the Council.

    I also love the names and references you gave! Eliwood? Draco? I can dig it.

    Another thing too, I thought how you used this chance to give us Absol’s name was super cool! When we first meet Luna, they are a nameless Absol. Which is really interesting and plays on the rules of Pokemon where almost all of them look the same. It was a small detail that gave awareness to the idea of Pokemon looking alike, especially a group of Absols.


    Great job with the dialogue so far too, you really do a good job of animating the characters and making them feel like individuals!

    “they have treated me with only kindness and gratitude within their walls, hence why-”

    Skiddish sounding like Luna,

    [quote]You seem confident about that statement, Luna of the Aura region. Have you no concern for your true kingdom?”[/quote

    Iago’s cockiness as a king!

    Then we get this beautiful boy: Tyranitar.

    Which I will talk about next!


    Cronos’ entrance was beautiful. You did a magnificent job capturing his presence, his size, and his personality.

    Luna turned swiftly as Iago raised his head and smiled widely, almost as if it were malicious or evil.

    It was really fascinating to see! Even IAGO stopped talking for a brief moment to witness Cronos! It was super cool, and showed the power of this Pokemon.

    He stood at the height of buildings, powerful enough to knock them over with one swing.
    Along with the quaking earth, we see the struggle of Luna as she grasps this creature’s size.

    ”King Iago,”
    He speaks in small simple ways, showing that he is a man of strength, not politics.

    Great introduction of a character! Although this character is a cliche, I always say take advantage of cliches and use them to your advantage. And you did!


    Currently, however, it was now the hours in which sleep or silent killing would take place.
    I love how murder is a casual thing in this kingdom, made me laugh, but I also stayed immersed. Nice touch by building the setting in the introduction, making this small comment feel completely natural.



    Deep breath. First of all, AWESOME build up. I had no idea what to expect, but I was ready for anything. Except for this!

    At the end of the last scene we get a slight bit of foreshadowing, but I did not expect this!

    Luna’s death was a great way to add shock value to the story, and change the tides of the narration, as we were mainly following her at this point. Well done!


    But then bam! Surprise at the end! It was perhaps… Betzalel’s head?

    I loved what you were going for here, but I feel as if we needed a bit more detail about the situation to understand it.

    Although, I do like how the earlier idea that the Absols all looked the same came into play here! They had no clue if it was Luna or Whoever! This was extremely creative and I don’t think I’ve EVER seen this done before. You deserve praise for this concept. And you’re getting it!


    Not sure what happened, but the paragraphs are very wonky and I can’t see where a lot of them start and end!


    She took a few steps back, grabbing the rope that tied the separate rope that tied the bag closed.

    Could look like: She took a few steps back, grabbing the rope that tied the separate rope which tied the bag closed.

    You used a restrictive clause where there should be a nonrestrictive clause.

    Restrictive is one that is necessary for a fact.

    The Pokemon that had eyes gazed at you.

    Nonrestrictive is one that is not necessary.

    The Pokemon which was tired took a walk.

    We already knew there was rope connected to the bag! So to mention the other set of rope holding the bag is not exactly necessary! Therefore, use “which!”


    Let me go, for the Council and to make sure none of us… end like Draco did,”

    Pointless comma! It adds a pause, but it's necessary grammatically to have one here!


    Go. I can try to re-convince him.

    This implies they had convinced Iago to start with! Using just “convince” would have been fine.


    not towards Luna, but their Kings actions towards them.

    King needs an apostrophe s to show sign of ownership. They are the king’s actions!


    Right… it is my turn to see if peace if being kept, it has been a while,”

    Peace IS being kept, not if.

    A simple typo!


    The senses that would cause chaos forewarning to be reported back to the Council

    I had to reread this sentence a few times. At first I thought it was an improper use of forewarning, but it isn’t! There is still an issue though. You ended the last sentence based on Luna running away in fear. I think you needed to transition that thought better, as not until I looked back and tried to figure out why the sentence made no sense, did I realize Luna was fleeing from her powers.

    It would make more sense to combine these sentences maybe like so:

    “She had to escape (insert her powers here!) and the fear she began to feel.” Obviously it’s up to you how you’d do this, but keep it in mind!


    MCR: 30k
    ACR: 28k

    You’re 2k under the minimum. Don’t worry! This is still pretty close to the MCR.


    Overall, a very gripping prequel! What makes this story strong to me, is that you have already written a story about this world, so ending on a cliffhanger is okay! Especially when a lot of people drop their stories after a chapter or two, it’s really cool to see a cliffhanger, and know without worry, what happens next is already written!

    Anyways, onto the writing itself. You did a grand job of fitting this small setup for the rest of your story (the one before this,) into place. It works wonderfully!

    Then, on top of that, you also did something really unique. THEN after THAT, you did something I don’t see often!

    It felt as if almost every sentence did something. No sentence or paragraph in this story felt as if it was there to fill space. Every word had meaning and every sentence had a purpose. It’s a rarity to see done, but once you nail it, it’s so good to see it in action. It is something every writer should strive for.

    I wanted to commend you for this especially because I know you don’t feel too confident in your stories. This. Is. Good. I want to see more from you.

    Absol Captured.
    "Take Care of Yourself"

  5. #4
    King Stunfisk URPG Staff Mikey57's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
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    HELL Yeah (this is so late :ffpu:)

    Gonna use my boosted story pass to claim this!

    Thank god Mimikyu is complex tbh

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