User Tag List

Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Twilight Zone: The Flight of AE217 [WWC] [x4]

  1. #1
    Ocean Dweller Surfer Liam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Belly of a Wailord
    Posts
    512
    Post Thanks / Like
    PokeBucks
    5,842 (0 Banked)

    Default Twilight Zone: The Flight of AE217 [WWC] [x4]

    Spoiler:
    This story was inspired by the Twilight Zone television series and takes direct reference from it! In fact, the first two paragraphs are typical narratives the show would famously start with.

    Also inspiring characters and events is the song Twilight Tone - by the Manhattan Transfer!




    Twilight Zone: The Flight of AE217


    There is a fifth dimension beyond which is known to man. You unlock a door with a key of the imagination, of the mind. Beyond is said dimension of extraordinary oddness and fathom. You’re traveling through a land of shadows and of substance, of things and ideas. A different dimension than that of our own, one not of sight or of sound—but of the mind. You twist and contort to this new dimension, but all that’s natural is now morphed and torn through the bearable.

    Submitted for your approval, one Mr. Mulligan, a Wimpod on business, who’s about to take a trip into the weird and wonderous zone whose boundaries lay infinite in the realm of imagination. Accompanying him through his journey is his unbashful wife, Claudia the Roserade, and a particular girl, one Maureen Dean, a Kirlia, who’s the key to this mesmerizing, and tumultuous land. This, is the twilight zone.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    “You’re sweating bullets, Fred!” a voice whispered, yet snapped just loud enough for others to hear, “You’re going to get my dress wet! It’s from Lumoise City, you know; silk, designed by the famed Kalosian, Nome di Fama.”

    “Yes dear, sorry dear,” Mr. Mulligan replied. He dabbed his face with a handkerchief; using his free hand, he was trying to wipe under his tie—the only piece of clothing a Wimpod could practically wear. He sat down a briefcase held in the other hand in his attempt to dry himself off. “Flying just gets me nervous,” he reasoned to his wife.

    “Everything gets you nervous,” she snobbed back.

    “Now boarding flight AE217,” a voice over the intercom announced.

    “Grab my bags, would you please,” Claudia commanded her husband. She held up a hand mirror, picking stalks of roses up to look more voluptuous. Puckering her red painted lips and batting her outlined eyes, her husband could not refuse, especially sense she gave him a right good threatening glance the moment he hesitated.

    “Of course, dear,” Mr. Mulligan whimpered as he grabbed a few large and luxurious bags and began to walk down to the tarmac.

    A Kirlia, just starting out her adult life, came running up to the desk at the airport. Backpack slung around her arms, filled to brim, bounced in every leap and bound she took before she halted in front of the man behind the desk. Slamming a ticket down in front of him she asked, “Is this the red-eye flight to Heahea City?”

    “AE217, Castilia to Heahea, at 10:30pm? Correct ma’am. This is gate 12, right this way,” the man answered. Leading her toward the door he grabbed an umbrella and opened it as rain began to fall on the tarmac.

    These were the active, yet unwilling participants who would take us through the twilight zone. They will guide us in their terror and beguile us through this mystic and unknown adventure. As they board their overnight flight from Unova to Alola, they all believe nothing strange is afoot. Ominous signs like a sudden rain, or an oddly dark night in the city of lights did not fret any of the passengers or flight crew of AE217. It was only until up in the air, over the ocean, did strange happenings begin to occur.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Maureen had sat her backpack in the seat in front of her, stuffing it rightly to fit before relaxing down in her chair.

    “Traveling alone?” a nasally voice asked. Maureen turned to the seat across the aisle to see a beautiful Roserade.

    “Oh, yes,” Maureen responded awkwardly. Some hairs had fallen into her face, but she didn’t feel like brushing them back; she kept them to preclude her view of this nosy stranger.

    “Must be nice. Vacationing alone,” Claudia continued, “I’m Claudia Mulligan, this is my husband here, Fred.” Claudia moved slightly enough for Fred to peak around and begin to wave before she closed him off again to turn toward Maureen, awaiting a response.

    “Oh, I’m Maureen Dean,” Maureen said.

    “Pleasure,” Claudia said holding out a hand to shake. Maureen took it and repeated her own “pleasure.”

    “I’m sure,” Claudia said as she recoiled her hand to dig in her dress’s pocket. She pulled out a cigarette and match, struck the match in her hand, and lit the end before taking in a big breath and puffing out clouds of smoke. She gave a massive sigh of relief, before turning her gaze back upon Maureen.

    “What’s wrong deary? Are you afraid of flights too? My husband is terrified—but then again he’s afraid of most things, aHAH!”

    Maureen smiled politely and simply nodded.

    “Is that your only bag, deary?” Claudia asked taking notice of Maureen’s about-to-burst backpack. “Are you not a traveler? Is this your first time on a transcontinental flight? Are you running away?”

    Taken aback by the sudden onslaught of heavy questions, Maureen interjected. “Please,” was all she was able to muster while holding up a hand. She didn’t want to talk all about her issues and her life—especially to a loud and unapologetic stranger on her first flight ever. Claudia, however, now very interested by the juicy drama, leaned closer as she continued.

    “Darling,” she droned, “you’re a delicate lady. You simply cannot just get up one day and leave to a foreign country all willy-nilly. You need to settle down and find yourself a respectful man, not something too different than my Fred over here-”

    “Dear, why don’t you leave the poor girl alone-” Mr. Mulligan tried to intervene.

    “She obviously needs some help, Fred,” Claudia snarked.

    Maureen had enough. “Please, madam,” Maureen began cutting off both Mulligans, “I’m a ballet dancer and I’m going to Alola for a show, I’m just running late,” she lied. Feeling guilty she decided to add some truth, “I’ve been up for over 18 hours and am very tired, so if you would please mind, I’m going to sleep.”

    Claudia looked offended, but obliged to Maureen’s wishes and turned back to keep to herself. Maureen turned to the empty window seat next to her and was thankful there was no one there.

    The flight crew did their checks, every person had been boarded, and the plane was soon driving down the runway, getting ready to take off. Maureen watched from her aisle seat out the window; rain pitter-pattered against the thick glass as the view was engulfed by the darkness of the night. A few orbs of light speckled the horizon as the city made itself known, but other than that, it was only shades of fast moving gray that showed Maureen they were speeding up.

    She definitely felt the forces at work, however. An invisible force shrank her gut and pressed in on her ears as the plane gathered speed and lifted off the ground. She found it incredible that unseen forces could do so much and be so world bending. Maureen imagined what other forces could shape the world so profoundly, similar to those she had just experienced as she began nodding off.

    A few sparks of light and blurred imagery flashed before Maureen’s eyes as she slept. Soon the flashes became more constant, and scenes began to play in front of her subconscious.

    “Well she’s a bit unrefined,” Claudia muttered to Mr. Mulligan.

    “She’s a young woman traveling alone and is exhausted, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it by wanting to sleep,” Mr. Mulligan responded.

    “Fred, she’s a child who’s run away!” Claudia retorted.

    “She said she’s a ballerina going to do a show,” Mr. Mulligan said.

    “Fredrick Mulligan, she was lying, you should know better,” Claudia said with a rash tone. “She clearly is a runaway. All Kirlia look like ballerinas, even the boys do-”

    “Well, that’s not a fair assumption. That’s like saying all Wimpod are nervous-nellies-”

    “Exactly,” Claudia pounced, “I just cannot imagine what her poor mother must be going through at this moment. I mean, the idea of your own daughter deserting you to fly off to an entirely different land is just so upsetting! I could only imagine if it were my own child-”

    “So, you do eventually want children?” Mr. Mulligan said excitedly.

    Claudia took a long, deep huff of air before responding; Mr. Mulligan recoiled as she sighed, bracing for whatever insult she would lay upon him for that interruption.

    “That’s not what I said at all, dear,” Claudia composed, “I said ‘I could only imagine’, not that’d ever indulge myself with imagining too many things. My life is glorious enough to not need such pitiful, mind fodder.”

    “Yes, dear. Of course, dear,” Mr. Mulligan said as he stared out through his bleak window, daydreaming of having massive bulk and claws, of being able to strike powerful blows and fear into the hearts of his enemies.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    All the while Maureen slept. In a deep state of intense dreaming, her REM stage had increased her pulse and senses; this was the key to unlocking the unknown door, the breaking of glass between the now and the realm of reality, and entering the beyond, a new dimension that would swallow them whole—this was the catalyst needed to plunge flight AE217 into the twilight zone.

    Maureen’s eyes twitched and seized as her dream became more visual and intense. Out in the Unovian countryside, Maureen sat upon a picnic blanket under a parasol with her Gardevoir mother and Ralts sister. They had a beautiful teaset and whisked the day away talking about intimate drabble and the newest of gossip.

    Warm sun dripped down on the meadow as Maureen watched her Gallade father train her Kirlia brother. Fighting was for boys, adventure was for boys, girls did not use their abilities other than to do housework—but they had a person for that. Maureen sat the teacup down and it shattered, spilling tea all over the blanket.

    It was wrong. She had only feared she’d break the cup if she sat it down too hard, but never did—this was different. Maureen had just caught herself dreaming of a memory instead of dreaming properly. She looked around and found that everyone’s faces were blurred. Part of her wanted to focus on them, but a stronger force within shut it down and away—

    A dark veil had suddenly appeared around them all, as if it had always been. But this veil imploded and shrank to a singular point in front of Maureen. Her family continued their part in the scene as Maureen broke away and stood to greet the singularity. A sense of foreboding heavied with every step, weighing her down into the earth more and more. She felt like she was sinking, yet she stood tall.

    On the plane, Maureen’s muscles began to react. Her eyes jittered, she jolted from her seat slightly in sporadic moments, and hands trembled. Most other passengers were asleep, including Claudia and Mr. Mulligan. Time passed quietly as Maureen continued her dream.

    Maureen was now close enough to touch the spec in front of her, she could see it’s black and purple coloring; it vibrated uncontrollably. Then, in a moment, before Maureen had touched the anomaly, a third eye opened on her forehead and the singularity exploded.

    A force reckoned Maureen as a gaseous cloud formed and grew from the singularity. It expanded quickly and engulfed her surroundings. Maureen’s family was now gone, the meadow gone, the picnic, the tea, the everything, was gone. In its wake was a dark, cavernous land where misshapen crystals grew like ferns and mushrooms, where climbing pillars of polluted beryl rocks created a maze. Light rays illuminated various valleys and ends of the ominous land from unknown sources in the black sky above. The air was thick and heavy, it pooled in the bottom of Maureen’s lungs and sat uncomfortably as it pressed up against her skin, an unwelcomed coddle of pressure.

    Suddenly, a sound bellowed from the spaces. Something moved around in the shadows, something large with an insatiable growl. It shook the ground with every step, it’s breath humidified the heavy air, it’s throat conjured sounds of a ravenous beast.

    Maureen was frozen, terrified to move, unknowing if this was real or not, not knowing what to do or think as the monster began to come into view. But just as the creature came into focus, the world and everything around Maureen seemed to come to a climatic resolution of reality before flashing out of existence.

    A cloud, similar to the previous one, had been left it the world’s place. It now semi-formed into new scenes in front of Maureen as she was subjected to more horror. The cloud particles pixilated to from images of the plane she was on. She saw herself through the window, looking out into the clouds. With a quick flash of lighting that split the sky, a few clouds began to warp. Soon, from nowhere, the warped clouds opened, and a grid like blue rift split the sky where the plane was headed. The hole swallowed the plane and it’s panicking inhabitants.

    The clouds around Maureen dissipated, but soon reformed. It showed the passengers of the flight get off the crashed plane, Maureen herself walked onto the dark and cold land. She was there, with all the others, in the dreary and dark new world she had just escaped from. People marveled at the sight, yet remained close to the pack—frightened to wonder off in this unknown.

    Again, the clouds broke apart and recemented to bring another image to Maureen, an image of danger and terror. A beast as black as night with protruding claws, neon yellow outlined a monstrous face with a mouth three times the size of the plane the passengers arrived in with an endless hole of brightening blue doom. Maureen saw herself running away with the others as the creature snatched up a few unlucky passengers and swallow them whole.

    One last time the clouds parted and reformed to show a small yet bright, light blue singularity in the dark realm, and soon Maureen and the others floating down onto an island in Alola safely. Soon images flashed interstitially—one right after another. A glass of water falling and shattering, a suitcase bursting open jetting out cloths comically, a call button lighting up for a stewardess, a seat sharply leaning back too far, and the dreadful flash of lighting that illuminated the entire sky showing the beginning of the rift.

    Turbulence shook Maureen out of her psychosis state.

    “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts, we’re experiencing a small patch of turbulence currently,” a voice said overhead. Maureen looked around as people shifted and clasped their belts over their waists. A click sounded loudly next to her; looking over she saw Mr. Mulligan putting the seatbelt around Claudia as she lay passed out, empty wine glass in hand and mask covering her eyes.

    Maureen complied and grabbed her seatbelt, but paused to think about what she had just experienced. Was that real? It was a dream, but what of? Mid-action, Maureen glanced out the window trying to focus on what had happened, but most of it was just a blur. Her grip softened on the belt and clasp as her focus hardened and foggy images began to show themselves, but it seemed fruitless.

    Feeling as if she had forgotten something important, but knowing it was just a dream, Maureen went back to buckling herself into her seat. Just as the clasp snapped into place, flash of lightning, accompanied by thunder, came from the window near Maureen and in an instant the entire vision came back to her. The dark realm, the creature, the plane crashing, people being swallowed—all of it appeared before her waking eyes.

    Maureen screamed! Heads from the other passengers turned fast toward her. Claudia startled awake while Mr. Mulligan hunkered down in his seat.

    “Darling, please, it’s only a storm,” Claudia sneered, peeking through her eyemask.

    “No!” Maureen responded, “No I saw something!” Claudia sat upright pulling off her eyemask, shocked at quiet Maureen’s abrupt reaction. Maureen herself was surprised by her action too. She was generally so quiet and kept to herself, but that vision was so surreal, it was so palpable that she just couldn’t stay quiet.

    “Relax, deary,” Claudia said cautiously, “it’s you’re first time flying, you ran away from home, I get it, I understand, dear. Here, lie back and relax.” Claudia reached over and pulled the recliner bar. Maureen’s seat fell backward sharply to her horror.

    Maureen unbuckled herself, and shot upright yelling. “No! Please, you don’t understand—I—I saw something, a kind of vision! A monster, beastly with a mouth larger than the plane!”

    “Please,” Mr. Mulligan managed to peep, “you’re scaring the other passengers.”

    “He means you’re frightening him,” Claudia added, “but yes, dear, please calm down.”

    “No!” Maureen objected, “No! There something out there—or out, somewhere, it—it-”

    “Okay, calm yourself, sweetheart,” Claudia said, “here, let’s get you something to drink.” Claudia reached up and pressed a button that lit up and called the stewardess.

    “No, my God!!” Maureen hollered, “Please, stop! We can’t go!”

    “Go where?” Claudia asked amused; she continued pushing the button again, but more frantically.

    “No, stop! We have to stop—stop the plane!!” Maureen panicked.

    “You can’t stop a plane,” Claudia scoffed.

    “Then—diverge! Diverge the plane!”

    “To where?” Mr. Mulligan chimed in.

    “Anywhere!!” Maureen answered, “Take any other path, go in any other direction than the one we’re in!! There’s danger up ahead, a—a wormhole or—or tear in space!”

    A stewardess had arrived calming people on her way to the fear-stricken Maureen and her concerned neighbors.

    “Please, fill this with water for the poor, delusional girl,” Claudia commanded the stewardess, handing her the empty wine glass. The stewardess took the glass and left quickly.

    “I’m not delusional,” Maureen defended herself.

    “Then how do you know this?” Claudia asked accusatorily, “You just know? You saw something in the clouds, a weird shape or something spooky? How can you know of anything you’re saying?”

    “I had a—a vision of the future of sorts. It wasn’t like a regular dream, but it started out that way,” Maureen calmed as she remembered and reasoned out loud. “I was with my family, but then something changed, something was different, and suddenly we were in a different… I don’t know—dimension!”

    “Hah!” Claudia piped, “a different dimension?! Darling, please, you’ll give me stiches! I know you’re a psychic type, and they’re have been stories of them seeing the future, but a different dimension, please!” The stewardess returned with a glass of water for Maureen, but Maureen was not in the mood for some spoiled snob to demean her.

    “I am serious you pretentious witch! I saw a portal opening in front of the plane and us crashing and people dying!” Maureen screamed. The shock of the statement made Mr. Mulligan bunker bank into his seat, Claudia recoiled, and the stewardess dropped the glass of water.

    Maureen clutched her hands up to her mouth in horror, the glass of water shattered when it landed. Maureen shrieked in terror and yelled out, “Turn the plane! Tell the pilots to turn the plane!!” But it was too late.

    A bolt of lightning struck outside, illuminating the entire night sky. A green and ominous hue grew as the light faded, but the thunder reverberating through the plane only seemed to get worse. Darkness engulphed the outside as the turbulence became unbearable, tossing everything and everyone inside the plan until it was evident they were hitting rocks and crashing.

    Oxygen bags fell from the ceiling, overhead compartments flung open with suitcases being bashed open, spitting out their contents among the thrashing passengers. Everything happened at once: people screamed and covered themselves, the ends of the wings of the plane tore off, items were tossed about, and then-- it all ended.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Maureen opened her eyes to see a Mr. Mulligan over her.

    “Miss, please get up!” he said helping Maureen stand up. She had been thrown around, but miraculously was only on the floor of her own aisle, somehow avoiding all the shards of glass. Claudia was tugging at a bag in one of the overhead compartments as Mr. Mulligan scurried over to the emergency exit next to his window seat, and opened it. A plastic slide inflated and fell to the ground outside as Mr. Mulligan began coaxing his wife to exit.

    “Claudia, please, we have to leave, this is the only exit on this side where the fire isn’t.”

    Maureen turned to her own window and saw the planes engines on her side were aflame. All of the planes passengers and crew were waiting for Claudia to get out of the way so they could all exit. People were yelling at her, but she seemed unaware of their criticism.

    “Fred, my pearls are in this bag, I’m not just going to leave them!” Claudia said back frantically.

    “But darling, we must exit, the plane is on fire,” Mr. Mulligan repeated.

    “Fire?” Claudia asked, turning to see flames from the other side of the plane, “Oh my God, Fred! Why did you say something!” she panicked, yanked her bag out from the wreckage, and leapt out to slide down to safety.

    The stewardess helped Maureen down the slide after Mr. Mulligan had gone. By the time Maureen had come down to the rocky plain, Claudia had found her pearls inside her bag, stuffed them back away, and zipped up the bag before looking at her surroundings. Claudia screamed and clutched her bag close to her as she saw the crystal-lined pillars of onyx-black rock. Gems shimmered in bundles around them as blackness swallowed the sky with effervescent rays streaming down to illuminate the environment.

    “Where are we?!” Claudia hollered. She ran toward Maureen as the rest of the passengers disembarked from the plane. “Where are we?!” she repeated in Maureen’s face.

    “I’m not sure!” Maureen responded.

    “Not sure?! But you were the one who knew, you knew about all this, how do you not know!?” Claudia yelled back.

    “I just had a vision of this place and things, but that doesn’t mean I know this place, or what it is,” Maureen answered.

    “It feels so… heavy,” Mr. Mulligan chimed in while his wife gaped mouthed in panic. “The air is hard to breath,” he added looking around as if there’d be a reason why. But no reason came; the air pressured their bodies and held them planted on the ground.

    All of the occupants of the plane had made it out safely and now congregated at a safe distance away from the burning wreckage, but not too far as they feared the new space as well. Panicked chatter grew louder as people attempted to make reason of the recent events. Some speculated the storm had something to do with the opening of the portal, others believed it Pokémon gods or mythical entities both known and unknown to their world.

    But soon an image from Maureen’s memories kept creeping up. It was trying to make itself known, and Maureen heeded her subconscious’ warning.

    “Wait,” she said out loud, “I think I’m remembering something from my vision!”

    “Didn’t you say something about a beast?” Mr. Mulligan chittered. But before Maureen could react to her sudden remembrance of the monster, an earth-shaking thud sounded nearby followed swiftly by a terrifying roar. The entire group froze and turned their heads toward the sound. Mr. Mulligan lost color, Claudia dropped her bag, and Maureen with eyes wide, turned toward the group at large and yelled, “run!”

    An enormous claw came from the darkness toward the group. People screamed, ducked, and ran away toward the plane, running around to the other side. The claw opened and attempted to scoop people up-- but missed its mark and got a pile of dirt, rock instead. The group of passengers and crew continue to run away from the mysterious beast as the claw opened and snapped trying to pick up anything and anyone it could.

    Maureen, near the back of the group, ducked her head and ran, knowing some people will get picked off. But instead, the claw caught the inflated slide of the plane and attacked. It closed its pincers completely around the body of the plane, lifted it high in the air, and took it back toward where the arm originated from.

    The engines spun from the heavy air being pushed through them forcibly, the plane screeching its metal body overhead the group as it rained down embers on them. Maureen looked back to see the claw move further away near an odd yellow band along the wall of black rock. But just as her mind told her that the face of the cliff she was looking at was inorganic, the yellow band opened to show a gigantic, vividly blue mouth that engulphed the entire plane whole.

    The people at the front of the group had found a little crevasse to hide in behind a large pillar and the rest followed in a herd panic. A small protrusion on top of the monster’s head opened a little mouth and let out the massive roar they had heard earlier as it began to step toward the group.

    “Someone do something!” a person yelled out.

    “One of the Pokemon, attack it!” a human hollered.

    Claudia turned toward Maureen mid run as she said, “Can’t you use some of those psychic powers of yours?!”

    “I—never really learned how,” Maureen responded.

    “Fred!” Claudia turned to her other side where her husband was scurrying, “Fred, can’t you do something?!”

    “No I- Well I- I can try something!” Mr. Mulligan said stopping suddenly. He was trembling out of fear, but seemed to do so even more as he let out a little screech as sparse green flashes of powder came from in between his silver plating and soared toward the rampaging beast.

    The monster halted immediately, digging its feet deep into the earth to stop itself as it opened its massive mouth and let rang a piercing shriek of pain. The creature shook itself and took a few steps back, cautious of pursuing its prey further—at least momentarily.

    In that moment the beast was dazed, the rest of the group had tucked away behind the pillar. They huddled closely, whispering to each other to stay silent while some sobbed and others stared into space with blank eyes and empty thoughts. The monster had eventually recovered from its seconds of stupor and began searching around for the group of otherworldlings.

    It stomped around, carrying a low growl around with it; an insatiable stomach rumbling with the hunger for their flesh was unable to exist without expressing a sound. However, it really seemed as though the group had thrown it off their trail. Adventitiously, people began whispering, plotting on how to get out of this terrifying zone.

    “What do we do?”

    “Where do we go?”

    “What is that thing?”

    “She knows! She saw it all!” Claudia’s voice carried over others. The group simmered down as people turned toward the object of Claudia’s statement: Maureen. “What's happening, deary, tell us!”

    Maureen looked around the fear riddled faces of the group. Wide eyed, grisly pale, tear stroked faces looked to her for some sort of answer. Maureen nodded and closed her eyes to remember. Thinking hard, focusing on her memories of the vision she remembered a few things: the flash of the lightning, the plane crashing, the people being eaten-

    “Wait!” Maureen startled, “We’re all still here, correct?”

    “Miraculously, yes,” a roughened, tan skinned man in a pilot’s uniform responded, “some people on the plane decided to buckle themselves in before we crashed due to your outburst—albeit they thought you were going crazy, but when we did crash most were buckled and no one was hurt.”

    “Yea, and people took off running the moment you yelled out,” the stewardess from before chimed in.

    “That’s the thing, though,” Maureen continued, “In my vision, the monster grabbed people with its claw and ate them, it didn’t grab the plane at all! That means… that means the future can change—we can change the outcome!”

    “Unless that just hasn’t happened yet,” gulped Mr. Mulligan. A daunting chill of terror fell over the group before any calm from Maureen’s statement could affect them. Maureen nodded solemnly, as it was true, but she decided to go on and focus on the rest of the vision: lightning, plane crashed, monster attacked—bright dot!

    “There will be a little, bright, blueish dot somewhere—like a little spec of light that will be a portal for our way out of here!” Maureen said.

    “And what happens when we find this light?” the pilot asked.

    “Another portal will open, and we’ll be able to get though it and arrive in Alola,” Maureen said, finally bringing an air of hope to the group.

    “But deary,” Claudia began, “what about the—the beast!” Others murmured around, worried about the creature that was still shuffling around the black, rocky terrain, audible in short bursts of veracious growls and snarls with thumping steps that shook the crystals around them.

    “We’ll need a distraction,” the pilot reasoned, “someone who’s quick on their feet and can successfully distract the beast while we go through the new portal.”

    “But where is that portal? Wouldn’t that thing be able to just follow us through? Who would even be so reckless and risky?” Claudia barked back. Silence followed as the group now seemingly sought to elect a tribute for the beast.

    “I—I can,” Mr. Mulligan spoke up.

    “Oh please, darling,” Claudia scoffed, “you couldn’t distract that thing, you would simply run away, or pass out from fear, or-”

    “Or I could draw it away from the group as you all escape,” Mr. Mulligan interjected to the shock of Claudia. “It reacted dramatically to my Struggle Bug attack, it must be weak to bug type attacks. I’m also very quick on my many feet. So, let me go, let me draw its attention and ring it in while you all run and get to the portal.”

    “But we still don’t know where the portal is,” the stewardess reminded.

    “Oh!” a woman near the edge of the pillar exclaimed, “I think I see it! A small, little light dot? Just kind of sitting in space?”

    Maureen, crouched and carefully crept over to where the woman was as she pointed out beyond their area of safety to across the plain. Out in the open, roughly 30 feet from where they hid, a small, glowing light blue singularity had amassed in the thick air.

    “Yes! Wonderful!” Maureen exclaimed in a whisper. The ground shook as the beast had made its way back, twist around in labored breaths, misting the air with its heated saliva. Maureen and the others ducked back behind the pillar completely to hide from the creature.

    “So, the plan is the Wimpod will distract the monster, giving us enough time to reach the dot and somehow get through a portal?” the pilot pitched. The group seemed conclusive, but Claudia couldn’t bare it anymore.

    “No, please, not my husband! Who’s going to take care of me? Why does it have to be him?”

    “Claudia,” Mr. Mulligan began, “It’s okay, you’ll be fine once you’re out of here. It must be someone, so it might as well be me. I’ll make it to the portal in time, I promise.” And with that, Mr. Mulligan left his teary-eyed wife and scurried over to the front of the group next to Maureen.

    “Okay then,” he started, clearly pumping himself up for the task, “I’ll make a mad dash out there, the opposite way of the dot, bring the beast my way, and then a few moments after I do that, you and the group make a brake for it toward the portal, okay?”

    Maureen nodded before responding, “Try to make it through, Mr.- oh uh,”

    “Mulligan, Fred Mulligan,” Mr. Mulligan answered, “I don’t actually think we properly met, just my wife by proxy.”

    “Right,” Maureen chuckled awkwardly.

    “But that reminds me,” Mr. Mulligan continued seriously, “Keep an eye on here, make sure she gets through and gets home safe. I know she’s a bit vile and toxic, but that’s just her nature.”

    “Just like your nature is to be brave and face this monster and mine is to speak up and lead a group?” Maureen jabbed.

    “No, but that’s exactly my point,” Mr. Mulligan replied. “We’ve had our chances here to change our nature, she hasn’t done that yet. Give her that chance, please, give her the hope that she can be better after this and change?”

    Maureen responded with a somber “okay” as she understood. Mr. Mulligan took in a deep breath, tightened his black tie, and nodded—then took off. He dashed out from behind the pillar, running madly away from the dot toward where the plane had been. He caught the monster’s gaze as the creature hollered and began to go after him.

    Getting somewhat closer, Mr. Mulligan stopped in place, trembling again, and let out a high-pitched screech with the flashing green lights from his overlaying scales. The creature bellowed out a painful scream as it stumbled about, clearly in distress from the attack.

    This was their chance—Maureen gestured toward the group to follow her as she stood, still laying low, and ran toward the singularity. As they got closer, the sound of the group got louder and louder as people began to panic and let anxiety run amok. The creature took notice as it calmed down, turning to look at the group of people. But Mr. Mulligan jittered and ran around in sharp zig-zags and circles in front of the creature, drawing its attention back onto himself.

    The beast went after Mr. Mulligan again, moving further and further away from the group as they reached the floating dot.

    “How do we open it?”

    “Now what?”

    “Oh God, we’re just sitting ducks!”

    Comments from the crowd got louder as some hesitated running back to the safety of the trench behind the pillar. Maureen, however, was transfixed by the dot. It had a strange aura, and with every step toward it, she felt heavier and heavier, as if the entire realm they were in was closing in and pilling up on her shoulders. She reached out for it, saw the world around her disappear, morphing into blackness, and then—she touched it.

    Her eyes illuminated, glowing brightly. Light exploded from the singularity, whiting out all the darkness. Maureen raised her arms into the air as the glowing light from her eyes began to grow and move out to her head and body. Shimmering and almost blinding, Maureen continued despite people in group being mesmerized, awe-struck by the light—clearly drawing the attention of the monster.

    But Maureen opened her arms wide. As they opened, they grew larger and longer, along with her body and shape. Matching the movement of Maureen, a rift in the space where the singularity was opened. As her arms rested out wide, she was now much taller, longer limbed, her hair more formed and mature. A sky view of an island was visible through the blue and green grid like portal that Maureen had opened. She could hear skeptical voices say things about getting through the portal before--

    “Maureen!” a panicked voice sounded, followed closely by a dangerous roar. Maureen, still completely illuminated, turned sharply around; with one hand up in the air, a pinkish flash dazzled out, followed by a painfully recoiling squeal from the monster. Then, raising her other hand, Maureen focused on the group of people. Every person’s silhouette began to glow an effervescent indigo as gravity ceased to exist around them. Maureen herself began floating up, leaving her delicate feet to hang in the air as she passed every passenger and crew, both human and Pokémon, through the portal and down from the sky.

    She heard the shuttering and pitched screech of another Struggle Bug from far behind her. She turned back and called out for Mr. Mulligan.

    “No—go Maureen! I’ll hold back the creature until you close the portal!” she heard Mr. Mulligan respond. Before she could ask if he was sure, he insisted, “Go, Maureen, close the portal!”

    Maureen floated through the portal, entering a much thinner atmosphere, misted with clouds and ocean breeze. She turned back around and with an open hand, and clenched the portal closed. Thunder boomed as the portal gave a flash of light and disappeared from the sky.

    The group and Maureen, still in her psychic grasp, gently came down from the sky in the early hours of the morning, landing safely on the tarmac of the airport in Heahea City. After they all had landed, Maureen ceased to glow, and passed out.

    The red-eye flight of AE217, Castelia to Heahea, will forever be subjected to questions and queries until the end of time. Both passengers and crew of the entire flight all have stories to share about an amazing event, equally terrifying as it was intriguing. They’ll speak of a vision a Kirlia, now Gardevoir, had on the flight, of the monster that creeps in other realms, and of one Mr. Mulligan, who sacrificed himself for the group; he who now resides forever, in the twilight zone.



    Ready for Grading!
    Pokemon: Kirlia, Wimpod
    Rank: Complex --> Hard [SS], Hard --> Medium [x4]
    Character Count: 35,699 (not including dashes)
    Last edited by Surfer Liam; 01-09-18 at 02:49 AM.

    --><--
    ^^^Click the Pyukumuku for my URPG Stats^^^


    Mako | Morru 07/27/2017
    Marlon is literally @ Liam









  2. Likes Mako liked this post
  3. #2
    ♥Fiction♥ Smiles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    4,113
    Post Thanks / Like
    PokeBucks
    15,878 (0 Banked)

    Default

    claiming for grading!

    ❤ MISTRAL IMMORTAL ❤

  4. Likes Surfer Liam liked this post
  5. #3
    ♥Fiction♥ Smiles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    4,113
    Post Thanks / Like
    PokeBucks
    15,878 (0 Banked)

    Default

    Sorry for the stupid wait on this, my dear one. You deserved better, but I'm happy to get this to you now!

    @Surfer Liam;

    Story

    Spoopy, fun introduction we have here! I love the "but all that's natural is now morphed and torn through the bearable." There's some kinky stuff happening here! And the cheeky, "submitted to your approval," gives this a bit of a snazzy, 80s texture, like this is the personification of a B52's video or something kek. You capture the personality and attitude of the twilight zone theme immensely well, and do so in such a charming way through your syntax and diction that it also sounds like you. It brightened my day instantly!

    I adore that we have very smooth dialogue throughout this whole thing, with a twinge of mystery. The character-building is really evident in not only what people say but how they say it to each other; and we feel right at home with our (lovingly) feuding Mr. and Mrs. Mulligan and their dramatics all splayed out. When it comes to character building, my biggest questions for you, when considering past stories, is this: how well is he characterizing the Pokemon aspects in this? Are Pokemon more like humans or are they more like Pokemon? If so, what's really the pull making them into Pokemon?

    My biggest question here was how Maureen never learned to use her psychic powers. Why are the others able to? Especially considering her powers were never just for visions... I think by expanding a little bit more on these questions, you can more fully capture the balance between that Pokemon-human dynamic. However, I did appreciate the little details: the fact that Mr. Mulligan can only wear clothes befitting of a Wimpod, for example. You also go to great lengths to describe the Pokemon as Pokemon, which I really value! Great job! You've improved much since those stories of children long ago.

    Overall, this story is an entertaining and exciting romp through some delicious personalities and mysteries! I think, for me personally, the transitioning lost a little clarity towards the end with the fight against the big entity. Even when Maureen was slipping in and out of dream state earlier, I think you did a great job clarifying what was dream and reality with sometimes really sharp transition sentences like this: "Turbulence shook Maureen out of her psychosis state." It immediately signals to the readers where we are in the text. I highly recommend these type of transitions, and to spend more time elaborating on where we are physically in the story to avoid any sort of confusion. However, this is really a smaller issue for this story! And it does not detract from my understanding or enjoyment in any way.


    Description

    You've got immensely smooth descriptions throughout, which transitioned quite nicely to and from places. I especially liked these bits; they're straight from a dream:

    She definitely felt the forces at work, however. An invisible force shrank her gut and pressed in on her ears as the plane gathered speed and lifted off the ground. She found it incredible that unseen forces could do so much and be so world bending. Maureen imagined what other forces could shape the world so profoundly, similar to those she had just experienced as she began nodding off.

    Maureen watched from her aisle seat out the window; rain pitter-pattered against the thick glass as the view was engulfed by the darkness of the night. A few orbs of light speckled the horizon as the city made itself known, but other than that, it was only shades of fast moving gray that showed Maureen they were speeding up.
    Phenomenal <3

    My greatest piece of advice is to pay specific attention to the types of description you use. You have a fine sense for providing comprehensive images and delightful details; now comes the refinement stage. For example:

    She held up a hand mirror, picking stalks of roses up to look more voluptuous.
    I think a finer word for "picking" would be "posing"? You hope to imply that she wants to look as curvaceous as possible, but there is nothing inherently curved about roses in a sense? This is a supeeeer picky and awkward note - but truth be told, at your level of great writing, improvement comes from very small, deliberate differences on the word level. As someone said a while ago, there comes a time to make the writing lean, to trim out anything unnecessary or refine what's currently there. You're well on this path already!

    Grammar

    I love that you used double exclamation marks.

    A glass of water falling and shattering, a suitcase bursting open jetting out cloths comically, a call button lighting up for a stewardess, a seat sharply leaning back too far, and the dreadful flash of lighting that illuminated the entire sky showing the beginning of the rift
    JUICY, JUICY PARALLELISM. you kill em and ME, Liam!

    few small things:

    she could see it’s black and purple coloring
    it’s breath humidified the heavy air
    it’s throat conjured sounds of a ravenous beast
    It's / its is the bane of so many writers. In these cases, you would want to have removed the apostrophe from its because you're signaling possession. "It's" stands for "it is." If you're ever confused, think of the apostrophe as the hook pierced through the flesh of the two words! Connecting them together!

    A force reckoned Maureen as a gaseous cloud formed and grew from the singularity.
    It showed the passengers of the flight get off the crashed plane, Maureen herself walked onto the dark and cold land.
    Similar issues I'm smushing together - confused word order and run-on sentences. They're really not a huge deal, I know what you mean here, but more thorough proofreading can catch this. Sometimes, we're so excited writing that we totally miss these and that's okay. In the former, you want "reckoned" to go after Maureen. In the latter, you want a semicolon or a full stop after "plane".

    Keep an eye on little words - there are cases where "sense" and "here" are mistaken for "since" and "her". It's the little errors that add up, and although they don't detract majorly, they do matter in the long run. Challenge yourself to catch these on a first read-through, and then ask a really good friend to read it too. You're a brilliant writer, and should not be held back from shining fully by a few tiny typos!

    Length

    great job for snagging during reduced rank <3 this checks out!

    Outcome

    Maureen and Mr. Mulligan - I mean KIRLIA AND WIMPOD Captured! This was a great submission for WWC, entertaining and filled with life and personality. Thanks for sharing your work with us, don't forget to proofread (and have a friend help you with it!) and continue refining those descriptions and transitions. You're my hero of writing, Liam. You keep on going for it!

    ❤ MISTRAL IMMORTAL ❤

  6. Likes Surfer Liam liked this post

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •